Pulling out the quill and scrolls....
Feb. 24th, 2004 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrlichSo I had this little daydream the other day. That's when you have them you know. Unless you're nocturnal. And does that make them regular dreams??
Anyway. It was almost like a flash of an image, but it was more like a little scene playing out in my head - with characters and setting and smells and well... you get the idea. It got my creative juices flowing.
I haven't done any 'Patch writing' in a long time. A really long time. When (thanks to my move) I uncovered a friend's old story with Patch as a secondary character, it made me miss those old days. I used to chew through Patch stories like the dime store wordsmiths of old. Not that I think that I ever had even a tenth of their skills, but I sure as hell felt passionate about the subject matter and could puke that passion onto a page. This little daydream of mine was the final straw. I just had to write something with Patch in it.
And so I wrote the bit that is to follow this post. Then I sat back and re-read it. It wasn't until that moment that I realized why I used to love writing about Patch so much. It was the role-playing. Now, I'm not talking about the obvious sense here. Sure - if I was to sit down with a shrink they would probably tell me that I have some 'blocked wishes' that I am expressing through Patch's rage. That's never been any big secret though. What I am talking about is another aspect. I have almost never written anything with a plan in mind. I always got some little 'sense' of how the story would start, or a scene in the story, and go from there. I would literally just start pouring words onto the page, and when I felt like the story was done it was done. Period. No revisions or editing or ... well... anything (unless it was for school).
So what I uncovered tonight was the fact that writing my Patch stories has always been role-playing in a very Dungeons and Dragons sense. I was exploring with Patch in the same way that I would with an elfin thief, a human mage, or a dwarven warrior. Granted, I was the Game Master as well as the Player all in one, but because I was going at it without a plan, without any sense of direction, whatever came from my mind was as much a shock to me as it was to my character (or close, at least).
Then it dawned on me:
My artwork is the same exact thing.
Now, I think it would be an easy thing for many people to see this as disheartening. It would be understandable for someone to say "What a shame. He could actually do something with his art/writing. Know what I say to that?
"Bah."
For the first time in my life I am working at a job that I like. It's not rocket science, but I like it. What's more, it allows me the time and money I need to do whatever I want with my free time.
Like role-playing.
You'll be hearing and seeing more from me in the near future...
And here's the scene as it played out in my head. Just as some added information - the first narrator is a lesbian detective who's tracking Patch. Why a lesbian? Why not? She has a crush on the waitress she's talking to. Oh, and of course the second narrator is Patch...
"I can’t believe it. I just can’t. I mean she knew right? She knew exactly what she was doing. She got that giant of a man all worked up, and then cut him loose. She knew what he would do in that frame of mind. She duped him into committing murder."
"No. I wish it was that. The reality is far worse." Darnia looks at me funny and a little scared. I debate explaining for a moment, but I tell her anyway. "He knew. He knew exactly what he was doing and what he was getting into. And he didn’t care."
Talking about the monster who has come to be known as Patch sends chills through me, and I deal with hardened criminals all the time. I can’t imagine what Darnia’s mind must be doing to itself right now. "Don’t worry. We’ll catch both of them, and they will pay for their crimes." I say it to reassure her, but the words sound hollow even to me. The two of them are long gone and I know it.
We should be long gone, and I know it. Sam knows it too, but she doesn’t act like it. She acts like we don’t have a care in the world. She acts flirtatious and calm. It’s an act and I know it. I can’t help but wonder what her game is. What’s she trying to accomplish.
Anyway. It was almost like a flash of an image, but it was more like a little scene playing out in my head - with characters and setting and smells and well... you get the idea. It got my creative juices flowing.
I haven't done any 'Patch writing' in a long time. A really long time. When (thanks to my move) I uncovered a friend's old story with Patch as a secondary character, it made me miss those old days. I used to chew through Patch stories like the dime store wordsmiths of old. Not that I think that I ever had even a tenth of their skills, but I sure as hell felt passionate about the subject matter and could puke that passion onto a page. This little daydream of mine was the final straw. I just had to write something with Patch in it.
And so I wrote the bit that is to follow this post. Then I sat back and re-read it. It wasn't until that moment that I realized why I used to love writing about Patch so much. It was the role-playing. Now, I'm not talking about the obvious sense here. Sure - if I was to sit down with a shrink they would probably tell me that I have some 'blocked wishes' that I am expressing through Patch's rage. That's never been any big secret though. What I am talking about is another aspect. I have almost never written anything with a plan in mind. I always got some little 'sense' of how the story would start, or a scene in the story, and go from there. I would literally just start pouring words onto the page, and when I felt like the story was done it was done. Period. No revisions or editing or ... well... anything (unless it was for school).
So what I uncovered tonight was the fact that writing my Patch stories has always been role-playing in a very Dungeons and Dragons sense. I was exploring with Patch in the same way that I would with an elfin thief, a human mage, or a dwarven warrior. Granted, I was the Game Master as well as the Player all in one, but because I was going at it without a plan, without any sense of direction, whatever came from my mind was as much a shock to me as it was to my character (or close, at least).
Then it dawned on me:
My artwork is the same exact thing.
Now, I think it would be an easy thing for many people to see this as disheartening. It would be understandable for someone to say "What a shame. He could actually do something with his art/writing. Know what I say to that?
"Bah."
For the first time in my life I am working at a job that I like. It's not rocket science, but I like it. What's more, it allows me the time and money I need to do whatever I want with my free time.
Like role-playing.
You'll be hearing and seeing more from me in the near future...
And here's the scene as it played out in my head. Just as some added information - the first narrator is a lesbian detective who's tracking Patch. Why a lesbian? Why not? She has a crush on the waitress she's talking to. Oh, and of course the second narrator is Patch...
Let Loose the Hounds of Hell
"I can’t believe it. I just can’t. I mean she knew right? She knew exactly what she was doing. She got that giant of a man all worked up, and then cut him loose. She knew what he would do in that frame of mind. She duped him into committing murder."
"No. I wish it was that. The reality is far worse." Darnia looks at me funny and a little scared. I debate explaining for a moment, but I tell her anyway. "He knew. He knew exactly what he was doing and what he was getting into. And he didn’t care."
Talking about the monster who has come to be known as Patch sends chills through me, and I deal with hardened criminals all the time. I can’t imagine what Darnia’s mind must be doing to itself right now. "Don’t worry. We’ll catch both of them, and they will pay for their crimes." I say it to reassure her, but the words sound hollow even to me. The two of them are long gone and I know it.
* * * * *
We should be long gone, and I know it. Sam knows it too, but she doesn’t act like it. She acts like we don’t have a care in the world. She acts flirtatious and calm. It’s an act and I know it. I can’t help but wonder what her game is. What’s she trying to accomplish.
