mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (am. heritage)
The Aimless Drifter. That's me.

"Who Matt? Well he's... he's a little bit... lost."

"It's just that you've got so much unrealised potential!"

I've heard this sort of stuff all my life. Thing is - the folks saying it are not wrong. It's always saddened me - frustrated me - more than I can put into words, but it's also the Truth.

I'm a forty year old man who has absolutely no idea what I want to be when I grow up. What's worse - when I try to focus on something and figure out if that's what I should go after, it's like trying to find details in the dark. The closer I look, the less I see clearly. That is, at least until I'm distracted by my desire to help someone else with something that they're doing or working on. Then whatever I was trying to see gets completely lost. Call it ADHD of the soul.

I've lived my life in a reactionary fashion. Never with anything resembling a plan. Just stimulus - response.

The Aimless Drifter.

While it may not be a wholly bad way to live, it's also not really a good way to live. In fact, one can begin to feel like their life is not really their own, but rather just a response to the musings of the Norns.

You need to make decisions, grasp opportunities, and maybe even plan things out once in a while to feel real ownership of your life. It gets you (for lack of a better term) invested in a way that simply responding does not.

It's time.

I fear that leaving my life on its current path won't change things much. It's too easy for me to simply keep on reacting to things and to the people in my life. I have too many good and interesting people in my life. (I know - good problems to have - right?) It's time to knock the train off its tracks. Blow up the bridge. Create a little chaos.

Change.

My last day at work will be this Friday. My lease on my apartment ends on the 31st. Mark has graciously allowed me to couch surf for a short while as I get some things together, and I get rid of damn near all my worldly possessions in preparation for what comes next:

I'm going to ride off into the sunset with nothing more than what I can fit in my saddlebags.

I'm headed west. I'm hitting the reset button and starting fresh. I'm going to make a decision and live with the consequences. I'm going to stop reacting to my life and start taking charge of it.

And it will all start with an Adventure.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (mirror)
Started a mini adventure today with [livejournal.com profile] lotusanddragon and LaurenSansLJ. First stop? OneShot coffee shop in NoLibs. Great place with robot artwork. [livejournal.com profile] xtingu will love this place!

mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Back in Philadelphia - tired, cranky, and yet pleased as punch that the adventure was such a success.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Sooo tired and we have to get up entirely too early for my taste. Headed home tomorrow and I have to say I'm excited to get home
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Beautiful mountains, vineyards, lush gardens, fine wine, sensuous roads, and good friends - this place is a slice of heaven.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Coffee encrusted filet mignon at Mosaic in Forestville- exquisite doesn't begin to cover it. The night just jumped upwards.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
15 minutes into the ride and I've had not one but two flat tires. :( we did about 6 miles total after repairs.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Returning the U-haul because it's starting really rough. Unfortunately that means we're getting out of town really late.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
couple of things:
1. dreamt of werewolves last night. surprising as this may be to some of you who know me - this was not pleasant at all. I was trying to escape them, and just couldn't. somewhat traumatizing.
2. apparently my snoring/noise making is enough to annoy the guys. I can't express how sorry I am about this.
3. I failed to mention it before now, but I would like to apologize to anyone reading this because I am going to be posting mostly in super small chunks and possibly rapid fire since I have no real connection while out here (aside from right now) - so I'm posting via SMS and have to keep the posts under 160 characters. I will likely flesh out the posts when I get back. they're currently almost like notes for myself to refresh my memory when I return.
4. my life is exceptionally good.
5. my friends are even better.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Sitting behind a really cute couple on the shuttle bus. She's a slightly big girl - but next to him she seems positively wee.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
In the plane. We're headed out a little later than planned but that's ok- Mark and I had fun meeting people and telling stories.
mrlich: Photo with great thanks to Joe del Tufo - http://www.deltufophotography.com (Default)
Just 'finished' getting ready for California. One of these days I'll learn to get ready in advance. Flight's at 6:30 Tomorrow:)

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