I've been thinking that I'm too scattered. Too quick to jump from idea to idea and plan to plan.

So next I thought: How do I stabilize myself? Especially given how I live my life / my job, this seems like it might be a bit tricky.

The solution, I think, might be to keep a log. Something that is ongoing and focuses on several 'silos' or columns of important concepts in my life. That way I can work on keeping steady forward progress towards clear goals in each silo.

As an example, one might be:

Fitness
Goal: Lose ten pounds.
Update: Yesterday I blah blah blahed and ate fairly healthy with the exception of... Also did 15 minutes on the elliptical.

Currently, I'm thinking the silos should be:
1. Fitness / Health
2. Art / Culture
3. Adventure
4. Social / Dating
5. Finance / Business / Work

Still working on what they should be though. I want general areas, so that they encompass more than just one element of my life, while still catching all major components. The idea is to make these posts simple conceptually so that if I want to keep it quick (while still keeping it structured) that's easy, but it also has the flexibility to be as complicated or 'deep' as I'm feeling that day (while still maintaining that structure).

So what do you think? What should my silos be?

Just a quick heads up kids - Page 3 of 1100 is uploaded and should show up tomorrow. I'm going to try to stick to a Monday - Wednesday - Friday update schedule for a bit.

Heya kids.

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I think that I am going to revert to a predominantly public journal again. For a long time I was doing almost exclusively private posts with the exclusion of art dumps and stuff that I specifically wanted out in the ether.

Why go back you ask? Well... today I was looking through old posts. As in - the first few posts I ever made in this journal. I really enjoyed the sense of just cracking open my ribcage and showing the world my guts. I stopped when I decided to embed this journal into the front page of my site in order to utilize it for 'news and updates'. I wanted to keep the length of that page to a minimum to keep it within the size constraints of an 800x600 viewable screen. I still wish to keep within the 800 parameter, but the 600 just seems a bit inefficient, so we're going back to not worrying about it.

Yes, I realize that I was posting pretty much exclusively for the every lovely kar0na and her most excellent husband metikulos at the time, but it's the concept that matters here. The concept that it was given freely and there for anyone to read if they chose to.

I will, of course, occasionally write a 'friends only' or 'private' post - but for the foreseeable future, it's back to being public for Yours Truly. If you would like to see what you've been missing and you have a livejournal account, feel free to friend me and let me know and I'll likely (though don't be offended if I decline) friend you back so that you can read the backdated stuff. (I won't be switching the friends only posts to public.)

Will the world really want to hear all of the rambling gunk that my friends have been subjected to as of late?

Probably not, but here it comes anyway. ;)

I called off yesterday, but went into work today. I am not completely better, by any means, but I was getting stir-crazy enough that I decided to go in anyway.

I'll probably be out again tomorrow - they're calling for some really shitty weather, and we don't have a whole lot of work right now.

Did I mention that I hate being sick?

talking with my friend Jason about my future. you know something? it seems like I spend an inordinate amount of time talking with my friends and family about my future. I wish that there was some quicker way to get folks to stop worrying about me. I mean - I always have some new scheme or 'sure fire' money maker, but of course (as such things are want to do) they don't pan out.

And so, folks continue to worry about me. It sucks. I would like to (just for once) have folks just like the way I am, and see the world the way that I do. I don't think that I begrudge anyone or anything for my life, and it almost seems like that's what folks think that I am doing. It feels like people see me as saying "well, this didn't work out because of this guy, or that situation" - as though I am making excuses.

I don't really feel like that. I realize that I have had a lot of failures and not a whole lot of successes, but when I explain the reasons for the failures, I don't really feel like I am making excuses - I'm just EXPLAINING what happened.

I feel like I'm supposed to be living up to someone else's expectation of who and what I am. Which isn't really a problem, because I think that we all feel that in one sense or another. The problem comes from the fact that I seem to be falling dramatically short of that expectation - not with regards to a single individual, but with everyone I know.

It's as though they all see something in me that I don't see in myself. It's a strange feeling really. Imagine drowning without knowing that you're drowning. No, come to think of it - that's not really accurate. Better this: you're drowning, and you know you're drowning, but you're not scared, you're not panicked, you feel no pain or trauma, and you only stress when you see those you care about surrounding you and trying to keep you afloat.

Wow. Now I am depressed.

Does that happen to you? Do you talk yourself into depression? Seems to be a habit of mine. It's almost as though I should keep myself busy just so I don't have time to think.

Hmmm.. think that I will try to go and get some work done - maybe that will cheer me up a little.

okay, so I am working on my web site, and having fun on this freakin journal- problem with that?!