Good ol' Mike...
Oct. 18th, 2007 12:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrlichThis is reposted from an email sent to me by one of my LJ-less buds with his permission:
"Please remember that I was tired. Please envision yourself this tired: I walk into The Condo. Brad's Condo. "Hey Brad, you ready to drive to Texas?"
BRAD: When is the last time you watched morning cartoons? I just got caught up. That Curious George gets a bad rap.
MIKE: How's that?
BRAD: How are you going to give $10 to a monkey, tell him to go down to the market and buy blueberries, and expect everything to work out OK? It's a monkey! How is that ever going to end successfully? It's a monkey! Told to get blueberries. Completely unsupervised! How about we call the show Irresponsible Man in the Funny Yellow Hat?
Did I mention that I was tired? I'm simultaneously trying not to bust a gut and ward off a headache. I haven't had coffee. You can't spring that kind of a diatribe on a brother before coffee. Brad doesn't care. He's had his coffee and he's caught a stride.
MIKE: Did he get the blueberries?
BRAD: NO! A cat grabbed the ten dollars out of his hands. The cat lost the ten dollars to a snake. The snake went down a hole, and George brought an office building down to the ground.
MIKE: How did he do that?
BRAD: He chased the snake down the hole; the snake crawled under the foundation; George went after the snake with a jackhammer. Building crumbles. But that's not the point.
MIKE: What's the point? {At this point you have to ask. Right?}
BRAD: It's the man in the yellow hat's fault. He created the situation when he gave a monkey ten dollars and told him to go to the market. And look at what George did: he was using some serious power equipment. That takes an impressive amount skill and knowledge. How about we take a second to appreciate that? George also was concerned enough to chase after ten dollars. It's a monkey that comprehends the value and concept of currency. That's absolutely amazing! And then the man in the goofy yellow hat swoops in to help clean up the mess; he always has that smug "What have you done this time George?" look on his face. I think he likes to create the situation, so he can save the day. What do you think of that?
MIKE: ____ {If you would have known the appropriate response - more power to you.}
BRAD: It's like he has some sort of variation on Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy. Letting George get into trouble so he can look like a hero. The man is clearly irresponsible. Certainly too irresponsible to be entrusted with a monkey. And you know what should have tipped people off? ... That ridiculous yellow hat. How are you going to take a guy in that hat seriously?
BRAD (cont): And what's so wrong with being curious anyhow? Why shouldn't a monkey try to figure something out on his own? But that's what They want. They don't want you to be curious. They don't want you to look behind the curtain. Follow the bouncing ball. Don't ask questions. I'm never going to let my kids watch or read Curious George.
MIKE: What if you repackage it: The Irresponsible Man in the Funny Yellow Hat? Spin the wheels on it. Present it as a life lesson. Always be curious & don't listen to people in ridiculous hats. {I've tasted caffeine now. You can tell. I never would have come up with that on limited rest sans coffee.}
BRAD: Good point. That cartoon really got me steamed this morning.
Could you tell? I could tell."
"Please remember that I was tired. Please envision yourself this tired: I walk into The Condo. Brad's Condo. "Hey Brad, you ready to drive to Texas?"
BRAD: When is the last time you watched morning cartoons? I just got caught up. That Curious George gets a bad rap.
MIKE: How's that?
BRAD: How are you going to give $10 to a monkey, tell him to go down to the market and buy blueberries, and expect everything to work out OK? It's a monkey! How is that ever going to end successfully? It's a monkey! Told to get blueberries. Completely unsupervised! How about we call the show Irresponsible Man in the Funny Yellow Hat?
Did I mention that I was tired? I'm simultaneously trying not to bust a gut and ward off a headache. I haven't had coffee. You can't spring that kind of a diatribe on a brother before coffee. Brad doesn't care. He's had his coffee and he's caught a stride.
MIKE: Did he get the blueberries?
BRAD: NO! A cat grabbed the ten dollars out of his hands. The cat lost the ten dollars to a snake. The snake went down a hole, and George brought an office building down to the ground.
MIKE: How did he do that?
BRAD: He chased the snake down the hole; the snake crawled under the foundation; George went after the snake with a jackhammer. Building crumbles. But that's not the point.
MIKE: What's the point? {At this point you have to ask. Right?}
BRAD: It's the man in the yellow hat's fault. He created the situation when he gave a monkey ten dollars and told him to go to the market. And look at what George did: he was using some serious power equipment. That takes an impressive amount skill and knowledge. How about we take a second to appreciate that? George also was concerned enough to chase after ten dollars. It's a monkey that comprehends the value and concept of currency. That's absolutely amazing! And then the man in the goofy yellow hat swoops in to help clean up the mess; he always has that smug "What have you done this time George?" look on his face. I think he likes to create the situation, so he can save the day. What do you think of that?
MIKE: ____ {If you would have known the appropriate response - more power to you.}
BRAD: It's like he has some sort of variation on Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy. Letting George get into trouble so he can look like a hero. The man is clearly irresponsible. Certainly too irresponsible to be entrusted with a monkey. And you know what should have tipped people off? ... That ridiculous yellow hat. How are you going to take a guy in that hat seriously?
BRAD (cont): And what's so wrong with being curious anyhow? Why shouldn't a monkey try to figure something out on his own? But that's what They want. They don't want you to be curious. They don't want you to look behind the curtain. Follow the bouncing ball. Don't ask questions. I'm never going to let my kids watch or read Curious George.
MIKE: What if you repackage it: The Irresponsible Man in the Funny Yellow Hat? Spin the wheels on it. Present it as a life lesson. Always be curious & don't listen to people in ridiculous hats. {I've tasted caffeine now. You can tell. I never would have come up with that on limited rest sans coffee.}
BRAD: Good point. That cartoon really got me steamed this morning.
Could you tell? I could tell."
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:18 pm (UTC)That has GOT to be the funniest thing I have read in a while.
Thanks for resposting that.
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Date: 2007-10-18 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:51 pm (UTC)Inquiring minds want to know.
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Date: 2007-10-18 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:57 pm (UTC)the Lusty Lady is the local peep show/live nude girls place. I can't look up link 'cuz I'm at work. but just to clarify, it's not a strip club per se - just naked girls dancing behind glass. a quarter buys you like a minute or something. maybe 30 seconds. anyway, that's just background. the story is this...
they had an ad in the paper.
for a spunk monkey.
funny how this story has a monkey in it too, but of course a spunk monkey isn't a real monkey - it's the name for the guy whose job it is to come through with a mop (and LOTS of disinfectant) every hour or so (more often if things are really busy) and mop up the spoooge in the booths. sometimes, this also involves glass cleaning and paper towels - some people shoot horizontally more than vertically, I guess. anyway, there's an ad for this job in the local news weekly/City Paper analogue.
all of this is well and good and no problem. they frequently carry ads for dancers/models for that place, a few of the "regular" strip clubs, and various porn web sites and film production companies. what's one more spunk monkey here or there, right?
here's the problem: the ad says, I swear to fucking christ, "send resume to..."
you need a fucking resume to be a spunk monkey in this town?
what kind of prior experience are they looking for? I mean, previous custodial experience? prior background in the semen-related arts? should one list one's extensive porn-watching experience in the extracurricular interests section? or hell, could that last part even be considered job related experience or training? does it help if you know how to type? are they conducting interviews? what kind of questions are they asking? how many candidates will they be meeting with? will there be a skills test at the interview? in short, WHAT THE FUCKKKKK???????
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Date: 2007-10-18 05:52 pm (UTC)I'd heard the term 'jizz mopper' from Clerks (http://imdb.com/title/tt0109445/), but Spunk Monkey was a new one on me. I'm going to have to start using that in daily conversation - like when referring to the boss' mom.
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Date: 2007-10-18 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 05:53 pm (UTC)