(no subject)

I'm scared. Yeah - you won't hear me say that much. Not much that I am scared of to be honest. (Can you see my chest puffing?) It's not like that though. Sure - I'm a big guy so there's not a lot of things or people that I am afraid of physically, but it's not that.

It's me.

I think that I am heading for a depression again. It just sorta feels like it. What's worse, I'm not sure what's causing it or how to avoid it. Even the depression itself is not what scares me - it's what I tend to do when I get depressed. I fuck shit up.

Not in the "oh man... he's pissed now, so I'm afraid he'll fuck shit up" sense. No - more like the "I can't believe he slept through three days of work and lost his job" sense.

I think that it might just be my inactivity lately. I have been pretty much sitting on my ass a lot lately, and I think that all that lethargic energy is getting to me. Perhaps all I need to do is get off my ass and get back to work. I should start in on my clients from last year about landscaping work or something. Dunno.

Maybe I should finish just one fucking project.

Maybe I should get my bike on the road. (Which would be finishing one fucking project.)

Maybe I should quit whining like a big baby and get the fuck over it.

Yeah - maybe.