15 minutes into the ride and I've had not one but two flat tires. :( we did about 6 miles total after repairs.

couple of things:
1. dreamt of werewolves last night. surprising as this may be to some of you who know me - this was not pleasant at all. I was trying to escape them, and just couldn't. somewhat traumatizing.
2. apparently my snoring/noise making is enough to annoy the guys. I can't express how sorry I am about this.
3. I failed to mention it before now, but I would like to apologize to anyone reading this because I am going to be posting mostly in super small chunks and possibly rapid fire since I have no real connection while out here (aside from right now) - so I'm posting via SMS and have to keep the posts under 160 characters. I will likely flesh out the posts when I get back. they're currently almost like notes for myself to refresh my memory when I return.
4. my life is exceptionally good.
5. my friends are even better.

Touchdown. We've landed safe and sound at SFO. :)

There are few pleasures more simple, more basic, more primal, or that effect me more than the feel of crisp autumn air.

So I like to flatter myself by thinking that I keep a pretty neutral eye on the world. I understand that I am often a moody guy and that colors many people's view of a given moment in time, but I fancy myself above that. I like to think that - given my (cursed) ability to 'walk a mile in someone else's shoes' I tend to see things with a fairly unbiased mind.

I would like to point out here that I am not, under any circumstances, trying to say that I react neutrally to all situations and experiences - simply that I see them so.

Is this naive of me? Is it ignorant to think that I am the rare exception to the rule here? Am I not alone? Do you (either of the two or so folks who read this ;) ) think that you're able to see the world this way?

Here's the simple truth: I think that I'm being foolish. I think that I do have a greater propensity for not allowing personal bias to color my view of a given experience, but that this isn't enough. "Better than most people" does not equal "the ability to be unbiased". I think that I am swayed by my personal opinions.

Okay, you're thinking, so what's so earth shattering about this?

Absolutely nothing. I'm just thinking 'out loud' as it were.

Heya kids.

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I think that I am going to revert to a predominantly public journal again. For a long time I was doing almost exclusively private posts with the exclusion of art dumps and stuff that I specifically wanted out in the ether.

Why go back you ask? Well... today I was looking through old posts. As in - the first few posts I ever made in this journal. I really enjoyed the sense of just cracking open my ribcage and showing the world my guts. I stopped when I decided to embed this journal into the front page of my site in order to utilize it for 'news and updates'. I wanted to keep the length of that page to a minimum to keep it within the size constraints of an 800x600 viewable screen. I still wish to keep within the 800 parameter, but the 600 just seems a bit inefficient, so we're going back to not worrying about it.

Yes, I realize that I was posting pretty much exclusively for the every lovely kar0na and her most excellent husband metikulos at the time, but it's the concept that matters here. The concept that it was given freely and there for anyone to read if they chose to.

I will, of course, occasionally write a 'friends only' or 'private' post - but for the foreseeable future, it's back to being public for Yours Truly. If you would like to see what you've been missing and you have a livejournal account, feel free to friend me and let me know and I'll likely (though don't be offended if I decline) friend you back so that you can read the backdated stuff. (I won't be switching the friends only posts to public.)

Will the world really want to hear all of the rambling gunk that my friends have been subjected to as of late?

Probably not, but here it comes anyway. ;)

In attendance tonight:

Mark, Katie, Krishna, Margaret, Ian, Elizabeth, Wes, Doug, and myself.

On the way:

Jeanine and Jill.

Life is good. I love these people. I love the way that they make me feel. This is the family that I have chosen for myself, and I have to say that I am more than a little proud of my selection.

More later.

I called off yesterday, but went into work today. I am not completely better, by any means, but I was getting stir-crazy enough that I decided to go in anyway.

I'll probably be out again tomorrow - they're calling for some really shitty weather, and we don't have a whole lot of work right now.

Did I mention that I hate being sick?

talking with my friend Jason about my future. you know something? it seems like I spend an inordinate amount of time talking with my friends and family about my future. I wish that there was some quicker way to get folks to stop worrying about me. I mean - I always have some new scheme or 'sure fire' money maker, but of course (as such things are want to do) they don't pan out.

And so, folks continue to worry about me. It sucks. I would like to (just for once) have folks just like the way I am, and see the world the way that I do. I don't think that I begrudge anyone or anything for my life, and it almost seems like that's what folks think that I am doing. It feels like people see me as saying "well, this didn't work out because of this guy, or that situation" - as though I am making excuses.

I don't really feel like that. I realize that I have had a lot of failures and not a whole lot of successes, but when I explain the reasons for the failures, I don't really feel like I am making excuses - I'm just EXPLAINING what happened.

I feel like I'm supposed to be living up to someone else's expectation of who and what I am. Which isn't really a problem, because I think that we all feel that in one sense or another. The problem comes from the fact that I seem to be falling dramatically short of that expectation - not with regards to a single individual, but with everyone I know.

It's as though they all see something in me that I don't see in myself. It's a strange feeling really. Imagine drowning without knowing that you're drowning. No, come to think of it - that's not really accurate. Better this: you're drowning, and you know you're drowning, but you're not scared, you're not panicked, you feel no pain or trauma, and you only stress when you see those you care about surrounding you and trying to keep you afloat.

Wow. Now I am depressed.

Does that happen to you? Do you talk yourself into depression? Seems to be a habit of mine. It's almost as though I should keep myself busy just so I don't have time to think.

Hmmm.. think that I will try to go and get some work done - maybe that will cheer me up a little.